Junx

Root 3.

2008-09-14T21:43:00.000+05:30

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

-David Feinberg

Life eej hard

2008-08-21T11:20:00.003+05:30

Here's a really short short story !!

It is not sensible to be a bad guy. It is not sensible that the bad guys take away the best. It is not sensible to become a bad guy because of that. It is not sensible that the best would go with the bad guys. It is not sensible to call the best the best if they are with the bad guys. It is not sensible to call the bad guys bad if the best are with them.

Think sensibly.

Orkreboot !!

2008-07-14T12:04:00.006+05:30

Finally .... I overcame the dilemma.

I deleted my Orkut account. Just a reboot though, will bring it up again. May be not. "Never say never again". I do not hate Orkut. I am not anti social-networking. I am not hiding. I am not scared. What's the reason? What's my reason? My reason, there is no solid reason. Who needs a reason to delete something which can be recreated. Who wants to recreate something he is deleting? I have no reason.

Yesterday was a hectic day. Spent 13 hours of the day at a stretch playing "Serious Sam 2" and drinking whiskey. The plan was to have a look and feel of the game, but as I kept on playing I believed we could end up things in a single go. Of course had to break twice, for lunch and dinner. But at the end of it, I couldn't, considering the fact that I had been drinking all day, so dint feel like towards the end, also considering that it was a Sunday night and not a Saturday or Friday night. It was game on till 2.

Deleted a few old sms messages as well. Feels like redemption.

It was 2 in the night, my fingers were almost trembling while I applied pressure on the keys, to strafe away from the forces of Mental, the dark lord in the game. But then if I miss, they would hit. There are no quick saves in life. Life's just like that. If you do not keep moving, evil powers will hit you with ease. So the best way is to keep strafing, and keep running.

Yea, running, that is what I plan to do from tomorrow :). I quit smoking. Now I should start running, which should very much prove that things are slowly moving into the actual cogs.

Planning to delete a few more things, and to add a few more.

What they said !! (about me)

2008-06-22T21:04:00.002+05:30

Nishant (6/16/07)

Here is the chairman of a World famous billion dollar company NAK. Don't ask the expansion of NAK.This guy is with me since last 5yrs. We were classmates. I met this guy near Roby Bhai's Pan shop. We gave each other a casual smile and tried to talk. But we couldn't find any topic to discuss. That was the first meet. I thought "What a decent boy?"(my mind cheated me). Then one day he came to Hostel. Now he was my neighbor. Since than we enjoyed a lot. Lot means lllllloooootttttttttttt......continuing. All those bottles of 8pm, vonamor and all those drags of mj that we shared made our friendship stronger and stronger. A smile comes in face when ever I remember those Exam time preparations. making cheats together, laugh sessions in the nights just before exam, going to gym and chena rabidi,ride on ameets safari(kinetic not tata).......and lot more.

SUNIL (3/12/07)

kyon ki aaj kuch write karne ko mann kar raha hai isliye socha ki...

today its naks bday...n i think i m going to write this on a perfect day...
nak...the name itself reveils a small smile on ur face when u call him....
still remember tha days we spent together or in the so called gang...
starting from e-block to a-block and finally to c-block.....
a boy with full of energy...but what can he do...laziness overtook all his energy
luvs the way he runs after hitting the ball so hard ...(:P)
likes the way he encourages u....
hats off to this gr8 frnd n gr8 man....
thanx for being there with me n i know u will b there always..."rahibu na"
with luv
s u n i l

K(3/5/07)

Well... Where do I begin.. Have never seen him except for some pics ( I must say, his bald look is not at all appealing!!) over the past many years.. have seen many shades of him ( the good, the bad 'n the ugly)... He can be a real sweetheart.. knows how to swoooon a girl ( tends to be romantic at times).. Has an admirable imagination.. A very good listener... A laudable "talker"... His writing skills are quite creditable (believe me, can write a best seller someday if he wishes to)... His sense of humour is bit on the low side ( his PJs are umm...er..!!).. Okay..so all this was about the " Ameet Nanda".. talking about him as a friend.. he's really sticked with me through everything, tolerated all my mood swings... initially when we met I just loved showing him my Attitude ( with a big A) 'n he in turn did the same.. I've had loads of memorable moments with him... the marathons we used to have.. sharing songs.. discussing weather.. me continuously nagging him to shave 'n shower.. the fights... the long mails... my "the" letter to him.. wen i just met him.. he actually seemed quite weird to me.. but somehow we ended up being very compatible.. he's been my best friend.. sometimes my best enemy...boy how I hated u at times ;) (dun worry, it was all temporary!)... my honest adviser.. an even more honest critic... he's been everything I could've ever asked in a friend.. though the word's too small to describe what he's been to me.

note: A biig hug to u... thanks for helping me live.. may God always be with you. Stay happy ( u deserve it baby..).. 'n stay the same. You are the best player i've known in 'The Game'. Cheers to u!!

Kaushik(3/4/07)

Ameet-one of the worst worst friends i ever had,so ugly,so bald,so devastating..we came to know each other thru me..i still remember the first day i had talked to him..tht was just a "hi",and his "nonsense" smile.& thts the beginning of a pathetic relation of two friends..oh wht a waste of time we had!!thanks that we are not in the same company..hope we wont enjoy the same bt so lucky are they who r nt gonna b there.
This person always makes me feel so useless whenevr am with him(i dunno why:P)
thanks for being a rude & rowdy listener.always stay un-happy..and ya..just 5 days yaar,ro yaar,senti maar yaar.comeon yaar.:)):D
"Smile, an everlasting smile A smile can never bring you near to me,Don't ever let me find you right,Coz that would never bring a tear to me.."
with hate..

Purbarag(11/25/06)

Ameet....hmmmm ! wat to talk about him?? hes is from the same place as mine but we never met till graduation and KIIT. I remeber i met him for the first he had been staying alone in a room meant to be a closet. I dragged him with me and since then we hav been best of buddies. This guy is cool! He wd study just before the exam and score a gracious 8 which i never managed to do. He is very lazy. He wd clean up his bed just before his ,in case, parents wd be visiting the hostel. We had an amazing grp in coll though i joined in late. The movies , the outings at the Shikharchandi, all haunt me! The thing I always to snatch from Ameet was his spark ( dont be confused ... I am talking about his vehicle). He was gr8. It wd stop working whenever he used it. It was fun being wid Ameet. We wd make a beeline for the babes in the evening at the Juice Center! U remember Manisha Joshi of course. I dont know I never write testimonials but i felt like writing for u Ameet!

Backing up everything, fore sighting the deletion act of my Orkut account soon.

2 years, no fluke

2008-06-12T09:58:00.000+05:30

Hard to believe, but my work ex will read 2 years and some days from today for another year !!
It took a lot of me,to have achieved this. Now I feel, I am a bit more matured, I understand that I go to my office to work. I feel that work is not play. I feel girls in office are colleagues, and guys in office are colleagues as well. I address people who are 10 years senior to me with their names, with ease. That sick leaves should only be taken when you are actually sick. That most important mails are the ones from office and not from your girl friend. That deadlines are set to be met. That coffee/tea are highly addictive.

I understand that there is no shortcut to success, that another 33 odd years, would be not so long a journey, but time after that would for sure be a pain in the ass.

When I try to remember the me I was 2 years back, and the me that I am today, nothing much has changed. Just that Mom has spoke to me a couple of times about marrying [LOL] and you will never see a cigarette in my hand [gave it up coz I am worried about global warming]. I have stopped fretting about life and office.

I used to scream and complain and kick the wall and cry over a healthy package and a good house, of lost love, of company policies, then He told me something, and everything changed.

Somehow, today morning, the weather is English and I feel happy.

He is an alter ego. Who told me this is not important, who made me realize this is.

Elevators are not erratic.

2008-06-11T16:09:00.000+05:30

Back to blogging after long, I am here so that I do not disappoint my fans or people who follow my blogs. Hey, guess what, this blog has something to do with disappointment.

Aim : Trying to figure out why not always the best guys finish first.

Scenario 1: Consider this scene. Read carefully

--Begin--
There are two trees, one on each side of a wall of an ancient fort. The fort was built by a king. One day he went to see a "fakir"(Adapting to the classic method of italicizing when "Not so Non-Indian" authors refer to "Indian" terms in Italics.)who was well renowned for bringing prosperity to people. The fakir gave him a rupee and said get whatever you want to buy with it and it will bring prosperity to your country. Disappointed, the king went to the bazaar wondering what he would buy with just a rupee. He saw a person selling seeds. So he approached him and asked how much for a rupee, the keeper replied, as many as you can lift with a finger.

First answer this, how would you keep your finger to lift the maximum seeds with 1 finger ?

The king dipped his hands into the pile and lifted only 2 seeds. Many smart asses like you and me, would have first dipped their fingers into a viscous liquid, so that more seeds would stick to the fingers.

Moving on with the story, he planted the two seeds, one on each side of the fort wall, and later the one inside was healthier than the one outside, but the one outside, bore a lot more fruits [Say 1:100]. King was amazed, when he took better care of the one inside the fort, and it was more healthy, how could the one outside bear better and more fruits? But his question was, how will it bring prosperity to the country ??
--End--

Elevators solve a lot of priority related problems of our life. We can actually learn a lot from them. They know when to go up, when to come down, who should wait and who should not. Now I will answer the king's question with another example, what I call as the classic elevator example.

--Begin--
One day I was having lunch on the penultimate floor of a moderately tall building. After I finished my food, I headed towards the elevator. There were 2 elevators on either side of the building. Now when I went there this is what I observed. I was on the 11th floor. One of the elevator was on the 9th floor and one was on the 5th floor and both were going down. So which elevator should I seek. Forget about me, which one would you ? Is it not the one that that is on the fifth and going down. I did both. Now it happened so, that the other elevator(the one on ninth floor and going down) reached back first. How could an elevator possibly, moving 4 floors behind, come back first??
--End--
Before you see my explanation, I should be convinced you got the problem.

Now the answer to this solves the king's question. Lets assume the scene on any floor. People who see the elevator that is moving ahead, will seek it for sure. Now lets say there are people on all floors. So there will be more number of seeks for the elevator that is moving ahead, than the one that is moving behind. So it will slow down and the one lagging will lead.

Now that's a periodic behavior. Not only that, if there were smart asses like me on all the floors, all of them would seek the one that is behind. Isnt it ?? think of the consequences then. And if the building is too tall, say 1000 storeys, then also the behavior becomes highly unpredictable.

Now the king being dumb, we assume, all his subjects will be dumber. And as the system of government is monarchy, we assume it is not a big kingdom, even if it is , it wont stay for a long period of time. Also we assume that the area of observation is restricted to just both sides of the fort.

Can you think of any answer to the kings question ? Comment now...

The world's shortest blog !!

2008-01-03T17:15:00.000+05:30

Poooooffff !!!

The Year that Was....

2008-01-01T20:27:00.000+05:30

- My first New Year outside Orissa [my state]
- My first appraisal [ Met Expectations ]
- My first salary hike
- My first birthday in office, the corporate way [ was a different feeling ]
- My first thumb ring.
- My first trip to Pune.
- My first Go Karting experince.
- My first homesickness
- My first near death experience.
- My first night trek [ what a place, Kalaverahalli Betta]
- My first trip to GOA
- My first "Rave".
- My first taste of wine [ Red ]
- My first taste of Absolute Vodka
- My first fasting [repeat every Saturday]
- My first flight [ was awesome, managed a morning flight with a window seat ]
- My first encounter with a fraud [ a female aged something like 45 ]
- My first experience with Windows Vista [Sucks]
- My first heartbreak.
- My first realization of fresh pain and insecurity.
- My first realization of life and relationships.
- My first love [yes realization came after heartbreak, pain justified intensity]
- My first attempt for GRE
- My first gifts to Mom and Dad
- My first cell robbery [ currently using the fourth set ]
- My first laptop [ Dell Inspiron 1501 ]
- My first trip to Hogennekal [round boats, "Chhoti si asha" from Roja]
- My first tryst with Pink Floyd
- My first burn marks [3 deep craters, on my left hand self inflicted on 31 Dec 07, with 3 red hot cigarettes].

and a lot more...

"...you know when you get old in life things get taken away from you, that's part of life; but,you only learn that when you start losing stuff..." -Al

10 Minutes...

2007-10-08T21:40:00.000+05:30

10 minutes...

10 minutes, every 10 minutes are so long, every 10 minutes passing shorten your life by 10 minutes, takes you close by 10 minutes to your destiny, 10 minutes close to your final destination, takes away 10 minutes of emotions which you could have shared, 10 minutes with your family, 10 minutes with your loved one, 10 minutes which you could have spent in your favorite place. And its not only 10 minutes passing for you, it is for every1 you love, and you dont.

Remember waiting for some1 for 10 minutes, remember ?? You will know how much it is worth. In 10 minutes Yuvraj Singh turned the entire hopes of a nation of 100 crores into a possibility, which later became a reality, when he clobbered Broad for 6 sixes, in 10 minutes, a bomb blast plundered millions, of their happiness, in 10 minutes, you can say yes to a decision, in 10 minutes you can land up in the biggest controversy you have ever been into, in 10 minutes you can answer a question in CAT which will unlock your dream career, 10 minutes you make the biggest your biggest mistake in life, a 10 minutes scene from Chak DE India can stir YOU up internally, 10 minutes and you will have the most important meeting of your life. 10 minutes, and one idea, 10 minutes and 1 moment, 10 minutes and a lifetime.

10 minutes.

10 minutes are enough to do a lot, 10 minutes once gone are gone forever. Lets assume once gone, it is gone for good. Divide life into quantum of 10 minutes and live every 10 minutes of your life. For the good. And sacrifice as few of these 10 minutes units for meaningless activity.

I missed a bus because of something I termed '10 minute syndrome' after that. I dedicate this blog to some1 I love a lot, and I donot blame her for me missing my bus, and Mom, who keeps on saying every moment must be used carefully.

The Blogger's Logs

2007-05-06T08:50:00.000+05:30

Still early on a fine Sunday morning.Was planning to go swimming, but my friend is still in his dreams,probably the climax of it.So waiting for him to wake up from his long awaited Sunday morning.Was browsing something which has become a "Second Life", Orkut. Suddenly hit upon a friends profile , which read something like "Exactly one year back we had a ....",one year back. Exactly one year.And now. Nothing seems to have changed.................other than life of course.

One year, time flew away before I could realise, there are people who have lived every second of this one year, but then probably I was not as lucky. But lives for most of us dint go unnoticed and untouched,there was a little bit of something for every1.

Lets go 1 year back.Or do we rollback from the present day ? Better lets start one year back. [These rollbacks have a very horrendous effect on me after watching the movie "Memento"]

6th of May, 2006 - Some1 left college and the city forever. And this continued for the next few days.Each morning, I would get up , my liver half soaked with alcohol, and my eyes half open as I hardly got sleep then, and my heart half heavy, as we bid adieu to friends every other day, thinking , prolly we wont meet again in life. Was just a bit unsure of what is going to follow next in life. And then my roommates left.Then I did, I had to , the hostel was haunting me more and more everyday.It gave me the feeling of a massacre, an entire race of people, a civilisation wiped out.

Few things followed, not much to mention, a trip to the Himalayas, a trip to Kolkata, and some place else.Then finally came to Bangalore, with a lot of dreams in eyes, just like any other college fresher wud come to join his first job.The office, the campus, the city dint leave me gaping allthough as it would have left many,but the thrill was there.My first day, my first official day was not @ Wipro Technologies, it was @ NIIT :( And then training was over in three months time, and from that day on till today , there has not been much difference in life.

Weekends became precious, time management was important, money management was more important, banking transactions were done in ATM's, got new assets for myself, responsibilities tripled, personal opinions became truth, fell in love, washed utensils, got an individual social representation, got frustrated, missed people and my folks, cooked food, shaved my head, credit cards, loans, blah blah blah. Life slowly got so rigid. Emotions were not solicited by self, thousand one hundred and one compromises with life.Welcome to corporate life they said, I say welcome to the phase.

These are not changes.YAP [ Yet Another Phase] ,another struggle. Will take time to absorb the sudden changes and hence we see them as changes. Comes in everybody's life. Every1 around has become so different.I myself have. But then is it not what is needed ?

End of the day, my simple question, are you not happy ?

If your answer is 'Yes' then stay happy.
If it is 'No' then think , what are you doing to get happier.

Zig-Zag Tales - I

2007-03-16T18:36:00.000+05:30

Some resons why I thought of killing myself somedays back ( Shocked ?? It's true.)

1. I hate myself.
2. I hate myself, coz I have to do something what millions of other people can do comfortably.
3. I hate myself, coz I dun so something to get out of the frame I discussed about in point 2.
4. I hate myself, coz I cant sleep till late.
5. I hate myself, cozI have to go to office every weekday.
6. I hate myself, coz I cant have fun with friends when I want to.( I know that's kiddish , I've grown up by now)
7. I hate myself, coz I cant meet some1 I want to despearately.
8. I hate myself, coz I cant study, I want to, just dont feel like doing that.
9. I hate myself, coz I took so long to complete IWOL.
10. I hate myself, coz I cant listen to Pink Floyd all the time.
11. I hate myself whenever I read ICON.
12. I hate myself, coz I no more play Age Of Empires.
13. I hate myself, coz people have started thinking more abt money and less abt thr life , and I am no exception.
14. I hate myself, cozI know I'm going to have a family after few days and fewer friends.
15. I hate myself, coz even if I dun plan to have a family, every1 else will.
16. I hate myself, coz I cant spend some days at "CROSS ROADS".
17. I hate myself, coz to spend the day out of office idling out , i need permissions.
18. I hate myself, coz having a job I think like point 17.
19. I hate myself, coz I cant feed pigeons on the middle of Brigade Road.
20. I hate myself, coz I pretend a lot.
21. I hate myself, coz I get helpless sometimes.
22. I hate myself, coz I dint prepare well for IITs.
23. I hate myself, coz I am not preparing for GRE.
24. I hate myself, coz people assume a lot, and somewhere these assumptions screws me up.
25. I hate myself, coz I kill a lot of time.
26. I hate myself, coz knowing that I kill a lot of time, I dun do anything.
27. I hate myself, coz because people very important to me tell me so much to do, and I dont follow them.
28. I hate myself, coz I broke promises.
29. I hate myself, coz I know I am breaking my parent's trust.
30. I hate myself, coz I can't play the Sax.
31. I hate myself, coz I cant make myself transparent enough for people to see whats within me.
32. I hate myself, coz people forget me.
33. I hate myself, coz I look for sympathy sometimes.
34. I hate myself, coz I am what I am.
35. I hate myself, coz I say "Yes" when I want to say "No".
36. I hate myself, coz I get confused when I see more than 3 loops.
37. I hate myself, coz I am not a what I am.
38. I hate myself, coz I am pretending to be myself.
39. I hate myself, coz I am too lucky, I get things easily.
40. I hate myself, coz I am writing this blog.

I thought God wants me to die a bit late just becuase I quit smoking, so I dint kill myself.

And I hate myself for coming up with reasons when I cant do stuff.

N.B. Comments are not welcome, and will be removed if posted.

The Bonfire

2006-11-28T13:41:00.000+05:30

How many of you know Mr. Laxman Naidu ? Well let me ask it this way, how many of you can work as a watchman for a colony like the one in which I live ?? Doesn't make sense,ain't it ?
It will , like it made to me when i came across this person last night.

I myself have watched "Rendezvous with Simi Garewall" a lot many times.I have liked the show a lot,especially a couple of episodes. But yesternight's rendezvous was the better than the best episode.

Last night after having my supper, I went for a regular walk on the roads of my colony, Owner's Court.Nothing was different,the same old trees,the same houses which appeared dimmly lit through the thick window glasses,lonely lanes with dry leaves. As I was on my way back home,I saw this watchman sitting next to a fire he lit.A bonfire,on a cold winter night is a delicacy.Here in Bangalore it is not that cold allthough,anyways i went upto the man and asked him if I could join.As per expectation he said,why not.I asked him about his native place,village,parents.Then when i asked him whether he was married or not,he gave me this very strange smile.Then he said,"I have a son of ur age". I told him I am 24, he said his son was 21.Then he started to tell me his story.What shocked me was his starting line,in a typical Vito Corleone voice,"When you have money,you fool around with life, and when you dont have it, life fools around with you".Yea, in perfect English language.I was shocked.

Then he continued,"I had a flourishing flower business one day.I used to be the biggest florist in KamanaHalli(some place in Bangalore,but a very famous place) and used to control the entire flower biz there.I used to spend a thousand bucks in a night,and now my salary is somewhat close to two nights expenditure then.Time plays bad jokes with you.When I got married, my wife used to tell me, dont keep such a huge friend circle.I told her.." , he started in Hindi and switched back to English," ...tu toh abhi aayi hai. In log mere saath saat saat saal se hain(They have been with me for the last seven years).", he paused and again started, "Aaj dekha jaaye toh meri wife hi mere saath hai , mere dost nahin.Strange isn't it? ." This seemed to be the voice of a man who has seen and endured a lot in his life.He started again,"Then after I came to the roads,I went to the same friends, but they ditched me , thinking I might ask for three four thousand bucks.Those people forgot how i used to spend on them.They would come and wake me at 5 in the morning and we would go on long drives.I sponsored everything.Who remembers that.They avoided me,and I realised that nobody is nobody's here".He took a short pause.Neither he nor I could speak,probably both of us dint know what to speak.Then he started again,"I had two options, either to kill myself or to live a life I had never imagined to live.I had no money.I had no idea what to do.People thought I would come to them to beg for some money.But sher(tiger) to sher hota hai na sahaab.Mein bhi socha ki coolie ka kaam karunga,lekin jaunga nahin un logon ke paas."

His words had some kilotons of determination in it. And later on he confessed he is happier the way his life had shaped up after this decision.His son couldn't complete college and now is a welder.His wife works as a maid in the nearby colony. And he now works as a watchman in Owner's Court.He lives quite happily now, and they dont sleep with an empty stomach.And above that, he has earned utmost respect in my heart forever.

Now you people would want to know how he lost his money.I even wanted to know the same.But probably it was something so shameful that he took no time to evade the question.What I could make out was probably he lost it in gambling or may be in a huge business investment.Anyways,I remember something related to gambling when I think about this. Golak , Dhiraj , dont you guys ?

Life,time,luck, call it whatever , but I believe it was a pure comeback and nothing else.Personally speaking I woudnt have been able to handle this kind of situation.Hats off to this man and his family for pulling it off.Allthough if not restoring the old life of theirs, this family and especially this man has lived like a true man.I can never imagine working like him.Yesterday I was very depressed with my problems.But then looking at this man's patience and will, I realised that most of mine,I shud say,our problems are really small and can be resolved with a lot of ease.That gave me a new kick.

At last I would like to say what my father used to tell me since I was a kid."Kaama kichchi bhi chhota nuhan."( No work is small or inferior.).I cant write the exact message,but the gist is,no work is inferior,whatever you do,do it with utmost passion,then only you will excel.Something like the famous lines in Lakshya, "kaam koi bhi karo achcha karo,scientist bano ,toh achcha scientist bano, tab jaake koi baat hai. Ghaaas kato ,agar achcha ghaas na kato toh kya faayada."

Sorry dad, I never followed you.

One Night @ the Development Center

2006-11-17T09:15:00.000+05:30

Well this had been a long awaited thing. To spend 1 complete night at my office. I never thought it would be this boring and normal. Like always had the feeling , i would end up coding all night some dark piece of code and come out to see the early morning mist and sunrise or may be crash into a lady colleague and end up talking the whole night. Or may be something eventful would happen.

But there was some fun no doubt.Let me share and see if you people can feel it.

6.30pm (yesternite) - I messed up a piece of code, allready being warned once.

6.45pm (yesternite) - Frustration creeps in, dunno what to do, called up on Kuheli , got more frustrated when she said she was busy.

6.50pm (yesternite) - Called on another friend , we planned to go to the canteen in a few minutes and chill out over some coffee and snacks together.

7.00pm (yesternite) - PM calls me and tells me that in development projects, like the 1 in which I was involved, I needed to work on weekends, wont be allowed for long vacs (i.e. a week) , to work till late and stuff. Adds to my frustration.

7.05pm (yesternite) - Had the snacks in a hurry, i had a masala dosa n she had some Aloo Bonda.

7.30pm (yesternite) - Saw her off till the bus, went to the ISD(Information Services Deptt , may be the corporate way of saying library) and went through some magazines and journals.

7.45pm (yesternite) - Nishant calls up, we meet at the EC-4 canteen.

8.00pm (yesternite) - We both meet Kuheli who was there for a short stint, she left by company bus at 8.15.

8.30pm (yesternite) - We tried Rajesh on his cell a couple of times. He dint answer. So i smsed him, to pick us up when he left.

8.45pm (yesternite) - We went out to have an 'Indian' fag near at the nearby store.Before we left Rajesh's car was there, after we came back in 10 mins it wasnt.

9.30pm (yesternite) - Rajesh called up from his home that he had left his cell there. On reaching
home he got the message.

10.20pm (yesternite) - We had dinner, 1 cup-o-noodles , 1 fresh cut fruits plate , 1 bottle pepsi.

10.45pm (yesternite) - I entered my ODC for the late night shift, allthough i dint have a shift, and found it to be totally empty.

11.00pm (yesternite) - We went to Nishant's ODC , it was bigger and empty, created a more creepy effect. We sat their doing all nonsense, like trying all others system passwd, messing up all other's desk and what not.

11.15pm (yesternite) - Called up Kuheli, she was allready in some other world, in her dreams.

11.30pm (yesternite) - Called up Lucky, had a nice long half an hour long chat.

12.10am (yesternite) - Got the maps of various cities printed out for myself and Nishant :)

12.30am (yesternite) - Called Anil Sahoo from office number and told him it was some1 from BDA and there was a case filed in his name coz he dint pay the road tax in B'lore. We are so talented actors, must ahve been there in Bollywood. Forced him to believe the whole matter.

1.00am (yesternite) - Called Dhiraj Agarwal to have a same effect as that on Anil, almost succeded , this time called as the IMG team from Wipro and the issue was he was found watching objectionable content on his system. Dhiraj being a smart ass just slid through, although he admitted he was petrified.

1.35am (yesternite) - Had a short little walk in the campus. Looked like EC4 was teleported to Mars from Earth :)

1.45am (yesternite) - Returned to my ODC and have a game of Basketball and table tennis, but wont be possible with just 2 players, one like me , other like Nishant.

2.00am (yesternite) - Went to the dormitory and had a sound little sleep till today morning.

8.00am (today) - Woke up, disturbed by a call on the cell.

8.30am (today) - Writing this line.

In between the times mentioned we did lots of non sense, like cursing fate,sketching on some white board, cursing fate,playing with the sensors, cursing fate ,trying experiments on Nishant's new N72, cursing more,taking some printouts , cursing and cracking jokes between us. It all seemed so different , where serious development goes on for the half of the day ,in the darker half they looked so incomplete, I am talking about the cubicles, the extensions, the systems, the whiteboards , the cubes , the revolving chairs. Reminded me of my night outs in college.

But the sad part God dint appear in front of us . :-(

R3v3rs3 3ngin33ring lif3

2006-10-26T18:06:00.000+05:30

Hi da, (the bangalore style salutation) . Well lot of dark darker and pitch dark blogs .

When will life get better ? Somebody asked me, and I thought when. Life shudn't be the way it is . It should be something like this.

One day you rise from the grave , find that you are in acute pain , you are old , really really old , diseased, suffering from various ailments. Then an ambulance comes and takes you to the hospital where you are treated . You slowly recover , and find that someone has cleared your hospital bills, they call him your son. Then you grow youger day by day , you go through your retirement day the day when you join the job ,then the next day you go through the most tiring day of your job , you get paid a huge salary , you slowly start spending . Your salary slowly decreases , but all the fun increases. You find you are dancing in ur sons marriage one fine day , you still grow younger and find that a naughty boy bothering you . Then suddenly this female comes to your life , they call him your wife ,you find you spend all the time with this female , somehow , she takes care of you , rather you take care of her , you have fights with her , she threatens you for divorce everyday , she speaks a lot , you are kinda pissed with her, you are bugged. You grow younger , you find the naughty kid has disappeared somewhere , you buy a house ,your wife has become more beautiful , she loves you a lot more , you make love with her for some years , go out on vacations with her and love her in all possible ways and finally she goes away from your life after a big event , they call it your wedding day. Then you find you have more energy , you get your first car, you just joined the job , you have a girlfriend , another chic, you have lottsa fun , you go to pubs , you drink and smoke, you eat everythig , all the restrictions disappear , you wear fashionable stuff , you grow younger , you go to college , enter in final year , have loads of fun with friends , come out in the first year , the complexities of academic gradually decreases and you finally leave your academic career as a school student. There is some1 to take care of you , your parents , they spoon feed you, they do everything you ask them to do , they take care of you in every possible way , you feel so much better. You finally are a small kid , all the people around you take you into their arms , and kiss you . (Believe me at 90 years it will feel very good). You pee on them at your will , sometimes even shit on them. Then one day you go into your mother's womb , the most coziest and comfortable place inthe world and survive the final nine months of your life there. You keep on shrinking and finally end your life in an orgasm.

Let life be like this . Amen !!

Idea inspired by an American author.

Just for a few thousand bucks.....

2006-10-03T16:50:00.000+05:30

Before I start writing this blog , let me tell you all this is an old blog , 1 I wrote in my diary few months back, just copying it to a safe and easy to read place, after all Georgia is much easier to read than my handwritten font.This is how it read on my diary.

JUST FOR A FEW THOUSAND BUCKS.......

More than 3 weeks have passed since I came to bangalore. This is the first time in the 24 odd days that I am feeling this low. Searching a reason for my existence , well then everybody at some point of time does.I am more than a thousand kilometres away from my home; away from more than half of my friends, far far away from college, my college that used to be , that was.Seems everything has sunk in the ocean of time.My mind seems to be quite disturbed with something, what exactly i donot know. May be the phobia of the exam ahead, may be with some kind of loneliness, what exactly I am yet to make out.When Susant passed me a fag, it seemed to be very much the same friendly hand which used to pass on the cigarette in college. The smell of Patia springs and autumns still lingers fresh in my mind. I still remember the first day in college, how I met everyone, each 1 of my friends, each of my crush, and finally how every1 left. Nostalgic , remarks Susant. Well today its not just about friends, its about everyone, my family , my grandparents , when again I am going to meet them, spend some time with them. Life , till now, used to be so easy , I can feel the difference, may be a bit too early. Independence does not come for free, now I know that.Gone are those days when Mom would come and wake me up at 6 in the morning and I would simply not agree to come out of my cozy bed.Gone are those days when i was forced to take a nutritious breakfast. When my parents placed their caring hand on my forehead whn I fell ill, when i got scolded heavily for doing the things I thought were right and my parents thought otherwise.Now I know. Those days of college crushes , the days of cricket matches with extra-ordinary rules.How every1's leg was pulled , no one was spared, not even teachers, how I danced with my friends on picnics and parties. The night long chats with unknown id's , the diwalis and holis, the khattis and those creative PJ's, the pranks, college annual functions and scrutinising each faculty before they do that with us.Again and again I am asking myself,what to choose, all this or the life that I am living now. And if some1 tells me,life's like that boy, then i should say it sucks.

A man's destination is not his destiny. Life goes on!! And now it is going on just in the lure of a few thousand bucks.Wish I could perform a rollback operation and kill Pandora.

Hearing this Susu, most of you must be remembering him, smiles in his typical way and says, "Dude, everything is destined". Let it be then...

Boyz don't cry .

2006-04-04T06:02:00.000+05:30

It has been time since i last blogged.But then that happens with me. Initially i found it to be loads of fun , i mean blogging. Then i thought , grrrr man , blogging is so boring. Now reading one of my previous posts i feel like adding a new post.

Last night , was the last time i bashed some1 , in the gap of 2 years. Well what do i do , the victim i thought , was kind off pain in my @ss since the last 6 months. Anyways , first of all 'Happy Birthday Mrutyunjaya', its your b'day today , when i am writing this blog . And then after hitting , rather bashing him up, there were the other fellas , ready to shed their , mebbe , frustration.Then the usual cake from Mongini's which had 'M J , Virginity Personified' written on it clearly , the cake cutting thingy . After everythign was over , there was a time when me, Kaushik and Mrutyunjaya were there in the room . Something in me told me i should hug a badly beaten MJ, and i did that.Well thats when i got the tears , not xactly tears but a moistened eye and heart. I suddenly realised that this was the last time i am going to hug him on a b'day, if not , then it certainly can be the last time. I suddenly realised that everything is going to be converted to memories only , i suddenly realised that the 2 faces i had been seeing for most of the time in my life in the last 4 years(not exactly) , i wont be seeing them again after a few days , well i may , but chances are that i may not. i would no more find MJ on the bed next to mine , when i will get up every morning , if i get up then.

I will miss a nagging MJ , a sweetheart Kaushik, a cool Lucky , a mischievious Nishant , a smoking Susu , a lethargic Dhiraj , my favorite DJ Jojo , a crazy Golak , a self-proclaimed true Aries Sayan , a full of energy Riju , a cool dude and geeky Lapat , the very formal Aditya, a true Bengali Sandi (:P) , an inquisitive Shyamal , a bro in Chetan, the ever comical Sunil, Deepak, a true insomniac Dhawan , a psycho MR, a true java coder Nishith, a slow Mitesh 'Tom' Sahu , a very responsible and PJ king Barik , a bubbly Lipu , a champ gamer Rohan , a sweet sweet Kuheli , an ever-smiling Jassi , a plump Rosy (:D) , a perfect Supi , fatman Sila , a handu Aman , ohhhhhhhh , Bijay , Jaggu , Abhishek , Pusparag , Brati , Ruby , Debu , Swarup , Anand , Subhra , i will miss u all , and all my other frnds .

See , i am getting emotional again , but then the world is governed by certain rules , one of which is NoLF . Whats NoLF , find out in my upcoming blogs . Well as everything is set for the final few days , i remember just 1 thing , from a novel of a very close frnd. 'If partitions are reality , re-unions are destiny'. They say Boys' dont cry , but the next time some1 asks me when did i cry i have an answer. My b'day , my last b'day . And the next time , when i leave college , ... forever ...

8 p.m. @ 1 a.m.

2006-02-13T16:32:00.000+05:30

Last night was the most amazing nights in the few months. Well i have no idea as how i
shud take all ya ppl reading this blog into the night itself . Fine lets start.

Yesterday as i was sitting for 'Bitwise 2k6' in the afternoon,Jojo suddenly appeared
somewhere out of the wind and asked, "Abe , Puri chalega?" . I said no as if i dint bother , i
was too much into screwing up my own basics of algorithms. Looking for solutions to the
bitwise problems were like u know what to do , but u aren't able to , the very desperate
feeling u would have when a virgin is lying nak*d infront of u, and u can see her but cant
make it to her in a transparent glass maze.And amidst deep concentration i could hear
Jojo callin out for people interested for a very short Puri trip.Finally after an hour's try ,
the frustration overtook the talent in me and i gave up. Went for my food to the hostel
mess and somehow i thot i shud be doing more interesting things than sitting and solving
problems for 12 hours.Well there are times when the nerd inside me lives , but it
lives for a time less than the time required for it to die.Anyways , i thot let me accompany
Jojo , but again i was afraid of Purba , my partner for Bitwise.Somehow i dint show him my
face, and decided to join the company, Mitesh , Jojo , Susant , Baibhav , Nishant and finally me .So i signed off Yahoo Msngr (my status then read 'Busy' ) , put on a dirty pair of jeans , a wind cheater , bathroom slippers (looking for my pair of shoes wud have taken another 20 mins) and we were off. On asking the hostel
authorities to allow entering the hostel after 12 they said better come tomorrow.
"Jo hoga dekha jaega, chalo chalte hain" , was what i heard some1 sayin .Everything was packed , cigarettes ,
whisky , Pepsi and Lays.We started in an ambassador .

Let me cut it short , or it wud be a novel instead of a journal.

On the way the guys had whisky ( I had promised Sandi i wont drink, and i dint ). And in a
place called Chandanpur we had the very famous 'Malpua-Daalma'. I had heard abt it from
Golak , but then the only way to enjoy it , is to have it.A trip to Puri with frnds can never be boring . We dropped Jojo at Sterling Resorts and then the rest of the evening was quite boring in Puri , neither did we go to the temple nor into the sea , and then , after the most boring evening came the most interesting night.After din din we picked Jojo , but before picking him up we had an oopurtunity to dance on the centerstage in a private party .Then as we moved out of Puri , Jojo enquired abt the coolest dhaba on the way where we could stop. The car halted in a place arnd 25 kilometers before Pipili.The name of the dhaba was Madhuban, the time was 12.50 a.m. We got down for dinner , and that was when daaru was ordered , brand was 8 p.m. and when Jojo opened the first bottle , it was 1 a.m. The show just started , and i had no idea of what was going to follow next . Peg after peg , it went into their stomach , and i kept on watching (it was all coz of d promise.Well after 10 bottles of Pepsi and three bottles of whisky gone into their systems , we started our journey again at 2.40 a.m. .But before that , Jojo's senti , and Susu's PJ's were getting lethal . And to add effect were Baibhav's dialogues .And then when the owner would say it is closing time , how very smartly Baibhav would slip in a Rs 20/- note into his pocket and he would leave quietly for another 30 minutes before he came back again . Me and Nishant wud relish the papads which Jojo would order and forget to take.The bill came to something close to Rs.500/-. Then when we moved out of the dhaba , it was 2.50 a.m. in the night , the fog was dense like white milk and visibility was minimum . It feels great when u pee on the middle of a highway , on the white dashed lines , Jojo n me had the same great feeling.And then we started, our next destination was a tea stall , with fresh morning tea . As the car rolled ahead at a steady pace of 50 kmph , all that i could see ahead were 2 white lines shining in the headlight and the dense fog .The situation was very favourable for an accident , but somehow we reached BBSR. The time was 3.36 a.m. when we reached BBSR Railway Station.and an old man was just seemingly making strong tea ,which was supposed to be very dilute in the sense that there was more water in it than milk. Jojo and Baibhav were allready knocked out in the back seat , and allthough Susu was drunk he ensured us that he was normal , more than once. Well thats what drunkards do . So we left station hoping for some better tea ahead , passed NALCO Sq , BDA Sq , Damana Sq , Magnetix Sq and still moved ahead looking for a tea stall . Meanwhile Susu's words describing what would happen when we would leave college had allready become a pain in my ass .Finally arnd 1 km from Magnetix , towards Nandan Kanan , we got a tea stall , open , and serving. The time was 4 a.m. in the nite and there was yet another hour before hostel gates open. So we had tea, and rest of the time passed listening to tales of Lords from a watchman, Pratap Bhai ,who guards nearby college owned buildings ,tales of how Sita was born , how Angad was born , why Krishna raised a mountain on his li'l finger , and how Ravana got married to Mandodari, and she got transformed from a frog to a b'ful female called Bengabati and later to Mandodari . In the meanwhile Susu would lite cigarette after cigarette , and we used to mock him calling him a chimney After almost an hour we left for hostel.

5.00 a.m we reached hostel , Jojo and Baibhav still knocked out , and gates yet to open .
Somehow climbing the staircase upto C block never felt that easy . At 7.30 , that was after
2 n half hours i had a lab , but then i showed the middle finger to the lab and the classes
that were to follow . Luckily when i woke up later , i heard , i got a proxy in the lab.Life
never felt better , last nite was a nite to remember , forever !!

Broken Cigarette !!

2006-02-13T15:49:00.000+05:30

Everytime u are desperate for a cigarette , u wont get it . And then when u finally get 1 after lotta effort u find 1,there are more than a few people to share it . Everytime u want to quit u find some1 arnd u offering u a puff or two and when u r in the mood to smoke , u dont find any1 smoking arnd , u go to the nearest store and find it is closed , somehow u wake the man sleeping inside the "gumti" and when u ask for ur favourite brand he says he has just 1 of that type. So u get the 1 and 4 of some other shitty brand (money constraint) , and think that u will enjoy it in ur room on ur bed watching the moon,and when u light it , and take the first puff , some1 knocks ur door , and he wants a share , and then some1 else , and then some1 else . So in the end u just get those 4 lucky puffs . And when every1 leaves and u r left with those 4 shitty cigs , u r no more in the mood .And in the ultimate case u get just the 1 cigarette from the shop and by the time u reach hostel somehow it is twisted in ur pocket and breaks.

Jojo says the golden rule of quitting is to quit smoking for three days in the smoking adaptive environment , and u can quit forever. But ask any smoker , 3 days is quite a long time , by God , the longest i could quit was for 2 days and 10 hrs , even if i knew , in 14 hours more i would quit smoking. Trust me it is difficult. But luckily enuff for me i have reduced to less than 10 puffs a day , thats less than 2 cigarettes a day.

What else could i say ? Just Breaking The Habit

I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don’t know why I instigate
And say what I don’t mean
I don’t know how I got this way
I know it’s not alright
So I’m
Breaking the habit
Tonight
Every Night !!
I'm struggling .

Passage from Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park.Original passage modified.

D Marijuana experience !!

2006-01-14T15:49:00.000+05:30

Name - Marijuana
Scientific Name - Cannabis sativa .
Local Name - Gaanja
Colour - Varies from light brown to yellow when dried(the state in which it is consumed).
Odour - Bad
Effects - Psychoactive effects . Alters the brain's state of functioning !!! Actually induces relaxation and heightens the senses .
Chemical composition - primary active chemical , Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC).
Users - People aged between 16 to , actually no upper limit .
Also known as - 420, Dope, Hydro, MaryJane, Wacky tabacky, Grass.

Last three nigths i have been getting on a high with Marijuana.

The experience is really worth describing . Starting with the way u make it . Thats not a headache, coz i never make it , thats Jojo's part . But i know , something , u have to weed of the seeds from the dried stuff u buy from underground markets , else, when on fire they mite crackle . Then u have to powder it into a nice powdered form.Remove the bloody tobaccco from any cigarette , if u want to go for a dilute version , mix the tobacco and the powdered stuff and fill into the empty cigarette , else , for a highly concentrated stuff, for a higher high, stuff the dope directly into the empty cigarette.Wet the cigarette with your tongue, i mean a little bit of saliva. Twist the front part and light it. There you go !!

Take deep puffs , short puffs , whatever, but keep the smoke inside ur lungs.I would like to mention about the term 'tornado'. Take a puff and keep it , unless the dope circles the entire mandi , and comes back to ur hand, release the puff then . However you do it , it shud climb , normally.

Now , i wud like to share how it feels.My experiences. Whenever i get stoned , i dont see people , i see Lords and Demons . I start addressing them as Lord and F**kers(not devils). And seriously i do. Its like u r into two worlds. U start switching between the worlds at a very high frequency. One is the normal world,where u see and hear normally, the other is the hyperactive world, where u can hear and listen and speak whatever u want to.And u start thinking very rapidly in the hyperactive world, u see in frames , ur brain percieves things twice faster, time slows down , dimesnsions increase , one inch appears 20 centimeters. U keep narrating ur feelings ,with laughter packed reality , u start speaking rubbish , then suddenly. Then suddenly u become conscious , u switch to the real world , and u discover , all that u did , were just what u were thinking to do.And u think u were thinking , but actually u werent. U did them. And then again u switch to the doped world. The feelings deep within u come out. If u r hungry , u feel like eating(obviously).But then at normal times ur brain would have rejected the request for food . Yea and u get desperately thirsty . U know people are around , u know they are talking as long as they are talkin , but u dont know what they are talking about .The best company u can have is of another doper.Then u just stare at each other and start smiling,and u just cant stop. And sweets , yea the taste climbs even faster than Marijuana after getting doped.And once you start eating you cant stop.U laugh at virtually whatever you see.For better effects you can take a "Dairy Milk". And once u start talking to a normal person , be very careful , coz , u might be sleeping while he will be delivering his words , sleeping with eyes wide open . And yes it happens , suddenly u seem to gain consciousness and ask him to repeat what he said from the very beginning .Doping on the roof has got its own advantages . Firstly there wont be any Holy Smoke , secondly it climbs steadily , comfortably and easily.And thirdly , if u r out of topics, u can just gaze at the stars and watch them disappear, rather converge into the moon .

N.B. Doping is injurious to health.This should not be considered as an inspiration to dope.

menakcman speaks

2005-11-13T00:24:00.001+05:30

I got a term called "Nirvana" from some1's yahoo ID. no doubt I was pretty much aware of the term right from my history classes where i read about Lord Buddha. Wiki says , nirvana connotes an extinguishing or "blowing out" of a fire or candle flame.It carries further connotations of stilling, cooling, and peace; the realizing of nirvana is compared to a fire gone out when its fuel supply is finished; this fuel being primarily the false idea of self, which causes (and is caused by) among other things craving, consciousness, birth, death, greed, hate, delusion, ignorance. Nirvana, then, is not a place nor a state, it is an absolute truth to be realized, and a person can do so without dying.When a person who has realized nirvana dies, his death is referred as his parinirvana, his fully passing away, as his life was his last link to the cycle of death and rebirth, and he will not be reborn again. Buddhism holds that the ultimate goal and end of existence is realization of nirvana; what happens to a person after his parinirvana cannot be explained, as it is outside of all conceivable experience.Well thats what the wiki says.

Now what do i have to say . There are three things in the world , the basis for our existence.Attachments , desires , hope ... the three things , cant think of anything as the fouth. Attachments form the basis of relations, desires the basis of work and hope the basis of performance. Now suppose , 1 by 1 we remove these things from life . What we have , is that life ?? or is it just death before death . We are born for a purpose , aint we ? Does that mean , if we start in search of nirvana , we are running away from our responsibilities . or does it mean that nirvana is our prior responsibility , and we must attain it .

To be edited .. .. ..